Sunday, February 21, 2010

being of two minds

Today I left work early as I do on Sundays and speaking of the sun, it was a beautiful sunny day. I thought I should erh... go somewhere! so I did. I went to Above Ground Art Supplies, the equivalent of a candy store for me. I walked about and started down an aile but was stopped by a group of young people standing there. I said "sorry" in a friendly manner. The girl blocking the way moved 5 milimetres back. She had a coffee in hand. I said sorry again, she remained frozen there and did not look at me at all. Not sure what to do I went through, brushing against her. Then I felt anger. I was surprised at that anger since, after all, I had meant not to disturb : the girl remained undisturbed - so why the anger? 

...Pondering on that I walked up to Baldwin street, a really nice street just above the AGO. Spent money I don't have there, then on my way back down to Dundas street, I passed a group of older folks walking and talking. I squeezed by the wall but I could already see that the lady on my side was not going to alter her course a milimetre. I squeezed more against the wall, she brushed past me and I scraped my pants against the rough wall. I felt anger again.

That's when I remembered what my sister said to me once: we are, in times like that, of two minds: we want to be kind and when people take what we offer we are angry. Why? because we didn't really mean to give, or, we gave but only if we obtained thanks for it. That is "being of two minds". I vowed right then and there ; and you can hold me to it ; to no longer be trapped by these conflicting emotions.

It reminded me of how much I need to meditate to improve on things like that.

Illustration by wonderful Moebius.


Aлиса said...

I vowed right then and there ... to no longer be trapped by these conflicting emotions.
Не получится, потому что мы грешники!
Тут нужно ДОЛГОТЕРПЕНИЕ, СМИРЕНИЕ, КРОТОСТЬ и ЛЮБОВЬ, а этому учит Христос.

Kipik said...

Thanks Aлиса, I agree! patience, humility and love those are the 3 building blocks of learning... my only issue with thinking of ourselves as sinners is that it makes it tempting to just accept it and assume nothing can be done about it. I think we live now in a higher spiritual era, past biblical teachings (not completely past but to an extend) and need to challenge ourselves much more than our ancestors did because we have access to much more knowledge. I prefer to think of life as a great school and consider myself a work in progress! Meditation is just a tool. A very helpful one. Of course I am a Buddhist, not a Christian, but I think all religions are equally good if followed with a true heart and an open mind. :O) Thanks for you sincere input!

Aлиса said...

I think we live now in a higher spiritual era...
we have access to much more knowledge.

К сожалению, дорогая Сильва, человек имеет много знаний. Но эти знания не помогают человеку чувствовать себя хорошо внутри( внутренний мир ).
Наша эпоха гораздо более развращена, чем эпоха до потопа Ноя.
Человеку нужна надежная, крепкая опора в жизни, которая реально и достаточно быстро помогает.
По моему опыту знаю это - мне помог Христос!
"Для перемены изнутри необходимо нечто большее, чем прилежная старательность снаружи" - Dr.Larry Crabb "Inside Out"

С уважением к тебе...

Kipik said...

Yes, it is a "dark age" as we call it in budhism. But I am an unredeemable optimistic!

we have dif beliefs, but we both believe in what is good, and that is the most important!

Aлиса said...

Главное - примириться с Создателем и не попасть в ад, потому что там уже ничего нельзя будет изменить.
Должен быть надежный объект веры.
Тот, Кто имел силу воскреснуть из мертвых - Он внушает доверие!
Желаю мира в сердце!