Sunday, February 21, 2010
Today I left work early as I do on Sundays and speaking of the sun, it was a beautiful sunny day. I thought I should erh... go somewhere! so I did. I went to Above Ground Art Supplies, the equivalent of a candy store for me. I walked about and started down an aile but was stopped by a group of young people standing there. I said "sorry" in a friendly manner. The girl blocking the way moved 5 milimetres back. She had a coffee in hand. I said sorry again, she remained frozen there and did not look at me at all. Not sure what to do I went through, brushing against her. Then I felt anger. I was surprised at that anger since, after all, I had meant not to disturb : the girl remained undisturbed - so why the anger?
...Pondering on that I walked up to Baldwin street, a really nice street just above the AGO. Spent money I don't have there, then on my way back down to Dundas street, I passed a group of older folks walking and talking. I squeezed by the wall but I could already see that the lady on my side was not going to alter her course a milimetre. I squeezed more against the wall, she brushed past me and I scraped my pants against the rough wall. I felt anger again.
That's when I remembered what my sister said to me once: we are, in times like that, of two minds: we want to be kind and when people take what we offer we are angry. Why? because we didn't really mean to give, or, we gave but only if we obtained thanks for it. That is "being of two minds". I vowed right then and there ; and you can hold me to it ; to no longer be trapped by these conflicting emotions.
It reminded me of how much I need to meditate to improve on things like that.
Illustration by wonderful Moebius.